"Just like sex, sometimes it gets messy." Laura Pumphrey, 11 May, London |
 |
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 2003
1ST PLACE
"It's always something, and then you die."
Mike Kitay, July 11, 2003, Washington
2ND PLACE
"People confuse their friends for people that think like them."
Rick Jenny, August 8, 2003, Washington
3RD PLACE
"I'm just tired, I've been at this a long time."
Steve "Froggy" Morris, October 17, 2003, Pittsburgh
HONORABLE MENTION
"The city looks like Veteran's Highway, but they got rid of all
the good food."
Bill Starr, June 25, 2003, Houston
"When you are young you are proud of the women you
had. When you are older you are proud of the women you didn't have."
Basil Culyba, January 11, 2003, Washington
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 2002
1ST PLACE
"I could either be bitter, or
better."
Barbara Ann Grudi Fischer, August 21, 2002, Washington,
Pennsylvania
2ND PLACE
"All things considered, I'd rather partner
with Reaves in spades."
Caron Starr, December 19, 2002, New Orleans
3RD PLACE
Grandma did everything in moderation except
scotch."
Kathleen Stratton, February 24, 2002, Washington
HONORABLE MENTION
"One thing I did not inflict on my children was a
successful father."
Mike Kitay, September 28, 2002, Washington
"No, we won't sue them. We can't. Stupidity is
legal."
Bjorn Edlund, February 22, 2002, Zurich
I'm on my second beer. I find you mildly amusing
right now."
Joey Reaves, March 17, 2002, Phoenix
"The Count liked fat women. Really fat. He married one,
but she went on a diet so he divorced her."
Barbara Maher, September 8, 2002, San Francisco
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 2001
1ST PLACE
It was a bad year. If I was a horse they would have shot
me.
Margie Germovsek, June 22, 2001, Houston, Pennsylvania
2ND PLACE
"It is important to believe in lost
causes to change society."
Joseph A. Reaves, July 28, 2001, East Lansing, Michigan
3RD PLACE
"I've had a great weekend - we won $300 at the casino,
ate great food and two men showed me their
penises."
Suzanne Aiman, February 11, 2001, New Orleans
HONORABLE MENTION
"What a wonderful week this has been: Katharine joins us
and Mazeroski goes in the Hall of Fame."
Wally McNamee, March 7, 2001, Hilton Head, SC
"I personally think the
world is coming to an end but I don't want to be a downer."
Toby Zakaria, October 5, 2001, Washington
"You guys know a lot more
than I do because I haven't been alive that long."
Andrea Lenart, September 28, 2001, Washington
"You can't drink
the girls in that bar pretty."
Tim Donnelly, September 22, 2001, Mechanicsburg, MD
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 2000
1ST PLACE
"I had this really good memory trick, but I can't
remember what it was."
Colleen Lamarque, 21 October 2000, Falls Church
2ND PLACE
"I think Gore won, and he should
concede."
Joey Reaves, 29 November 2000, Scottsdale
3RD PLACE
"Do you think it's bad when I take my vitamins with
beer?"
Karen Crouth, 1 October 2000, Reston,VA
HONORABLE MENTION
"It wasn't even on TV. It was on CNN."
Susan Theiler, 8 August 2000, Washington
"I saw two Lady Bugs making love today. So I guess one
was not a lady."
Kim Newton, 25 June 2000, Falls Church
"There is a very high correlation between cute and
twit."
Conan Owen, 10 June 2000, Washington
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 1999
1st Place
"I think if you are going to drink, it should be to
excess."
Sonya Hepinstall, 19 August 1999, Washington
2nd Place
"Don't pay attention to what a woman says. Pay
attention to what she does."
Carmen Alicia Fernandez, 4 June 1999, New York
3rd Place
I'm a doctor. Don't underestimate the ability of alcohol to solve your problems."
John Joseph, 22 January 1999, Washington
HONORABLE MENTION
This is why you can't start teaching at the age when you still
get an instant hard-on.
Mark Summers,12 December 1999, Washington
I'm taking Milosevic and the 21 points. I don't want him to win but I need him to cover the spread.
Basil Culyba, 6 May 1999, Washington
"It's amazing what you can do when you are naked"
Win McNamee, 24 August 1999, Menemsha, MA
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 1998
1st Place
"By the time I got to Vietnam you either got a Bronze Star or a
court martial.
Tom Benic, 11 February 1998, Pittsburgh
2nd Place
"Five dollars to be a hero, a buck if you believe in America."
Jim Dever, 9 January 1998, Pittsburgh
3rd Place
"At 30 it's your back. At 40 it's your eyes".
Mark Summers, 1 January 1998, Key West
HONORABLE MENTION
"I am always aware of my blow-space"
Amy Ofsthun, 3, January 1998
I never wrote a poem that didn't rhyme or wasn't dirty."
Maggie Fox, 22 February 1998, Washington
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 1997
1st Place
"Key West is on the way to anywhere."
Amy Ofsthun, 19 April 1997, London
2nd Place
"Life is too short to drink bad wine."
Mal Langsdon, 8 March 1997, Helsinki
3rd Place
"A relationship should be frozen in time in the first month."
Mark Summers, 28 September 1997, Jacksonville
HONORABLE MENTION
"We spend most of our time arranging meetings to discuss what we
would do if we did anything."
Ralph Nicholson, 27 March 1997, Washington
"I was born to be a majorette, but I was born in the wrong
country."
Laura Pumphrey, 1 March 1997, London
"I still say my idea of a perfect vacation is a day at Captain
Tony's."
Angus Macswan, 18 February 1997, Miami
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 1996
1st Place
"Just like sex, sometimes it gets messy." Laura Pumphrey, 11 May, London |
|
2nd Place
"He married that Mercedes, his wife just happened to
be in it."
Peter Rockwell, 7 July, Pittsburgh
3rd Place
"Whoever is writing the script for your life -- you
should fire them."
DJ Viggers, 25 September, London
HONORABLE MENTION
"T-shirts are the only way I know where I've been."
Carolyn Wessels, 29 January, Phoenix
"I can't remember whether you really liked it or really hated it,
but either way it makes a good present."
MD Cauthen, 10 April 1996, Columbia SC
"This can't be England -- the sky is blue."
British passenger, 21 June, Eurostar Chunnel Egress,France
QUOTES OF THE YEAR 1995
1st Place
"I care about her. We went through that 10-year period of hatred,
but that's over. We're friends now."
Steve “Froggy” Morris, Pittsburgh, 4 December
2nd Place
"I like to start at the end of the alphabet because I feel the
first part of the alphabet is over-bought as a rule.
Colleen Law, London, 5 October
3rd Place
"Let me sit over there against the wall in case I fall off."
Monica Cook, London, 28 September
HONORABLE MENTION
"Unless sex is involved, naps are useless"
Tracy Collins, Pittsburgh, 26 May
"I stayed with a nun in Australia, I can stay with a priest in
Tokyo."
Rob Batsford, London, March 29
QUOTES OF THE YEAR -- 1994
1st Place
"I took a year off from free-lancing."
Sue Hornik, October, New York
2nd Place
“I can now live in three countries. No use marrying someone with
the wrong passport."
Ginette Archinal, 5 Feb, London
3rd Place
"Sometimes you get stuck in a hole for so long, you might as well
call it home."
Stephanie McGehee, 28 October Kuwait City
QUOTES OF THE YEAR -- 1993
1st Place
"Life is a series a one-year contracts."
Mark Summers, London, 5 December
2nd Place
"If she cheats on a cork, she will cheat on you.
Charlotte Richey, London, 3 December
3rd Place
"I wish those little shots looked bigger -- then I wouldn't drink
so much."
Mary Lou Clark, 29 January, Steamboat
Honorable Mention
"A bargain is a bargain. Let's have three."
Mary Lou Clark, 29 January, Steamboat
"The price was too good. I only bought one because I really don't
need any."
Maggie Fox, 25 February, London
"Well, if I'm ever gonna die in a plane crash, I hope it's on this
one."
Joey Reaves, 1 January, Key West
QUOTES OF THE YEAR -- 1992
1st Place
"Just tell her all men are shits, at least the good ones."
Ed Gargan, 21 September, London
2nd Place
"It's not so bad. I walked into the office yesterday to find out
all my sins were forgiven."
Bill Trott, 14 May, Washington DC
3rd Place
"I'm the father of four daughters, all of whom were destroyed by
the feminist movement."
Jerome Holtzman, 29 May, Chicago
Honorable Mention
"You do realise that UPI has hung on longer than Franco!"
Joe Manguno, 15 May, Washington DC
"Go to Hong Kong. I live in fear for the day when I will not know
anyone in Hong Kong."
Lynne Reaves, 13 June, London
QUOTES OF THE YEAR -- 1991
1st Place - Joint winners
"Warsaw, is that in Indiana?" -- Bruce Wainer, Chicago, 9
April
"Now, where is Poland? I mean, if we want to drive to Europe from Poland, how far is
it?"
Linnett Myers, Chicago, 24 June
2nd Place
"Saddam doesn't need a radar-seeking missile to hit this place. All
he needs is an ego-seeking missile."
Juan Tamayo, Dhahran, 2 February
3rd Place
"What would they do if we didn't eat them?"
Mark Summers, London, 15 September
Honorable Mention
"I told Kass that I went on vacation and Kass told me what I
did."
John Huber, London, 25 November
“Let's get another dog up here for a second opinion."
Security agent, Riyadh, 19 March
"I never drive ... once that cop caught me passed out in that
intersection."
Bill Mullen, Chicago, 9 April
QUOTES OF THE YEAR -- 1990
1st Place
"You can't stop people from dying by being there."
Joe Manguno, Seoul, April 13
2nd Place
"It's pretty bad when you are communicating with your wife via
electronic mail ... but I do recommend it."
Joey Reaves, Warsaw, July 27
3rd Place
"I've spent most of my life riding backwards."
Alex Frere, London, December 4
QUOTES OF THE YEAR - 1989
1st Place
"You can't expect anything to happen to your career if you work for
a man who has a tattoo."
Kevin Cooney, 28 April, Hong Kong
2nd Place
"There she was 'Like a Virgin' earlier in the evening, and there
she is 'Like a Wife'.
Mark Summers, 25 December, London
3rd Place
"This is the kind of bar that I always get called an asshole
in."
Mark Fineman, 12 July, Hong Kong
Honorable Mention:
"Actually, the turning point in the history of the world was the
'57 Chevy. I had a turquoise one."
Joe Manguno, 5 May, Hong Kong
QUOTES OF THE YEAR --1988
1st Place
"Every once in a while you walk into a bar and you know it's
home."
Bill Mullen, 26 March, Old China Hand, Wanchai
2nd Place
"I don't do deep -- I'm a shallow guy."
Kevin Cooney, 2 December, Hong Kong
3rd Place
"Marcos is coming back. Do you wanna bet?
Salvador Laurel, 17 February, Manila
Honorable Mention
"Listen, I never pissed in your yard, I never f____ another woman -
and that's it!
Lin Neuman, 30 October (0145), Manila
"I've grown to like her since I haven't seen her in a while."
Pat Benic, 2 December, Hong Kong
"He could have five Sioux Indians cutting off his dick, and he
still wouldn't flirt with a fat woman."
Joey Reaves, 27 April, Hong Kong
QUOTES OF THE YEAR --1987
1st Place
"I've always had this fantasy of making it with a 16-year-old
cheerleader with a cast on her leg."
Gary Kemper, Hong Kong, January 1
2nd Place
"If these people worked half as hard as they prayed and fucked,
they'd get somewhere."
Lynne Reaves, Manila, 2 February
3rd Place
"What's the name of that king she had an affair with?"
Paula Delisle, 20 November, Hong Kong
Honorable Mention
"I'd hate to miss a story just because I wanted to sleep with my
boyfriend."
Maggie Fox, Seoul, 20 June
“I wouldn't marry a photographer if you paid me...all you get is a
full photo album."
Shane Foote, Fremantle, 7 February
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1986
1st Place
"Some people wanted to see the pyramids and realised they weren't
in Egypt, so they went to bed."
Cathy Booth, Peking, March 18
2nd Place
"Don't fuck around -- I'm going to Midnight Mass."
Coleen Geraghty, Manila, December 24
3rd Place
"I was peeing all over India after a while. I didn't care."
Audrey Kahn, Hong Kong, November 15
Honorable Mention
"Do I bowl? I grew up in Buffalo."
Wendy Lin, Peking, March 18
"How does it feel to be slipping your fingers into something
familiar again?"
Garry Armstrong, Peking, March 19
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1985
1st Place
"It's just like normal life -- you kill the monsters and take their
treasures."
Kellly Reaves, Hong Kong, Aug 9
2nd Place
"I tell ya anybody who comes here twice gotta be outta their
goddamn mind."
A Texan, Peking Airport, Aug. 8
3rd Place
"My net worth is on her back and fingers."
Mark Summers, New York, Jan 25
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1984
1st Place
"Come on Garry, let's do it the hee-man way."
Billy Clyde Trott, New Orleans, July
2nd Place
"Just think a year ago we were discussing Nietzsche and now we're
arguing about toilet paper."
Carolyn Lesh, Washington D.C., June
3rd Place
"Dating you is like being sucked into a black hole."
Sally Stewart, Chicago, January 26
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1983
1st Place
"Life is not a baseball game."
BSK, New York, July
2nd Place
“We're going to drink and we're going to like it."
George de Lama, Chicago, August
3rd Place
"We have had our disagreements in the past, but we don't want to
get blown up together."
Ralph Jennetti, New York, February
Honorable Mention
"Too much pine tar -- out of the game."
Joey Reaves, Chicago, August
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1982
1st Place
"Close enough for government work."
Mark Summers, New York, September
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1981
1st Place
"You can't be batman to all the robins in the world all the
time."
Garry Armstrong, Claysville, July
QUOTES OF THE YEAR--1980
1st Place
"You can sleep when you die."
Joey Reaves, Moscow, June
2nd Place
"We will either have to fight them or sell them more disco
records."
Pat Benic, Moscow, June
3rd Place
"Next time I come back here it will be in a B-52."
Joe Marquette, Moscow, June
